Hiding behind technology?
From time to time we all encounter situations where we dislike a person’s behaviour and we feel we need to say something, but actually having the conversation is a different story. With the integration of technology into the workplace it is much easier to avoid a potentially uncomfortable conversation by sending a quick email and ‘dealing with it later’.
Whilst these conversations are necessary the immediate impulse for many of us is to avoid, avoid, avoid. Hiding behind technology may seem like a good idea at the time but communicating with the absence of tone and body language may make the situation worse.
Once you have decided to have a courageous conversation, consider your approach. Learn more from our CEO's monthly feature article, Timing is Everything.
Here are some tips for initiating a potentially difficult conversation whether it’s face to face or over the phone:
1. Be Confident with your Concerns: It can be easy to stop ourselves from raising concerns by minimising their importance. For example, we may tell ourselves we are “just being silly” or we are “being too sensitive” or “it’s not such a big deal really”. If it is impacting on you or someone else negatively, it is important. Be clear with yourself about the reasons why you are initiating the conversation.
2. Focus on the Behaviour: Let the person know that it is their behaviour which is upsetting or concerning to you. Be careful not to label the person, for example instead of saying “you are selfish and lazy” you could say “when you leave me to clean up everything I feel let down because I am doing it all alone without any help”.
3. Be Clear and Specific: Anxiety about how someone might react can lead to messages being “watered-down”. We may give a lot of positive feedback in amongst the negative, or we might talk generally to a group about behaviour that bothers us without speaking directly to the person involved. The risk is that your message will not be heard by them.
4. Listen: This can sometimes be the hard part because people can be defensive or angry after hearing your concerns and your feedback. They may attack. They may deny that there’s an issue. They may even convince you it’s “all in your head”. Let them talk. Don’t interrupt, explain, justify or defend. First listen. There will be time to respond later.
5. Respond Calmly: Depending on how the person has reacted to your concerns remaining calm can be tricky, however focus on clarifying the factual accuracies of what the person has said. Their feelings are subjective and you can’t change these. The person may be angry with you for some time. Confidently re-state your concerns. If you can, come to a resolution or compromise. You may need some time to think about what each other has said.
The Manager Support Hotline can be used to support leaders when they are faced with challenging situations. Managers can contact AccessEAP by telephoning 1800 818 728 and simply asking to speak with the Duty Counsellor.
